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|| Kel's Bio | Days w/ Ogakor | Episode Summaries | |
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Survivor Episode 3 ~ The axe that put Mad Dog to sleep
We start off the day at Kucha camp and we see Mike sharpening a knife. I’m really not that interested in the guy so I tune in and out of his little monologue...something about a million dollars...something about pig hunting. Ooh! Blood and gore, just what the show needs to spruce up the excitement level. More yapping, camera focuses on him putting on war paint (his, and I use this term loosely, “luxury” item), and him making a spear. Now we see Liz expressing her dismay of Mike’s plans. This is also the first time that we witness how she delivers a sarcastic comment. “Believe me if I see a pig I wanna eat it.” Take note of the aforementioned quote. Now Jeff talks to the camera, as he always does, and criticizes the spear, “the stupid spear...That’s classic Mike, he’s an idiot.” Most of the tribe is concerned about him losing the knife that he used as a spearhead. Camera shows Mike again, tying the knife to the pole and giggling like a deranged bloodthirsty mad man (yes, that’s how the editors want us to perceive him). Then they show a stupid, unnecessary shot of a wild pig (which is obviously put out there).
Over at Ogakor. Tina whines about how she didn’t expect this to be so hard. Honey, did you not watch Survivor? Did you not watch how Mr. Hatch lost a lot of flab? Then she whines about Doritos, which made me want a bag too. At the small hill (or whatever you call that elevated place near their camp), Keith and Mitchell gather wood. From afar you we can see that Mitchell looks just like the firewood they’re gathering. Yes he is that thin. Mad Dog checks the mail and says a little prayer, “Oh great aboriginal fathers...let Jerri be bitten by one of the 10 most deadliest snakes in the world....” Okay, so I paraphrased! Now it’s Jerri’s turn for screen time, but I don’t care. Lo and behold! Amber finally has screen time! Finally after 1, 2, 6 days she has finally broken her silence! But I did not catch what she said. Sob.
Reward Challenge: Water torture. Colby and Mike designated as water bearers. Rodger and Mitchell as loaders. The others are transporters of the buckets. Fill the buckets up, walk on the extremely narrow planks, loaders of a team will take the buckets of the opposing team, and loads them on to their water bearers. And as Jeff was explaining all of this, I was swooning. Sexy man in khaki... Okay, so the game begins, somebody chants, “Oga, Oga...,” and right away we can see that Tina has an impeccable sense of balance...and Alicia has none. Liz’s first try isn’t a Sonja this time. Kimmi does some acrobatics and balances herself with only one foot...then falls off. Jerri falls, hehe... Now it’s up to Colby and Mike, two studs, I mean a stud and a bloodthirsty maniac (as the editors want us to perceive him), head to head. Liz’s high-pitched voice overpowers her tribe members’ voices and shouts, “We believe in you Michael!” Yep, a lot of fake cheering going on at Kucha. Michael’s pole breaks, Ogakor thinks they won, Jeff poops on their party. There is no winner. Now the tribes are in a run-off “speed loading” match. The most buckets on the water bearer’s pole in five minutes wins the game. Ogakor won, Mike wants to leave the site immediately.
Ogakor is in high spirits eveybody is chirpy. Mitchell talks about at first he thought the reward was crap because there weren’t any fish but now...yada, yada. Yeah whatever. Ooh! Amber catches fish. Go you!!! And then Jerri catches fish too. You go! HOME!!! She’s gloating because apparently Kel and Keith told her repeatedly that there were no fish and now “they’re practically jumping in the boat.” Whatever you say, honey. Fishing ends, the three (Mitchell, Amber and Jerri) paddle to the shore. Ingrate Mitchell shouts, “Chef Keith!” Keith bitches, “this is the first time the “chef” word was used.” I agree. Keith fillets the fish, tells the tribe how he’ll cook the fish. He wants to bread it with flour. Tortilla girl says, “Let’s not waste the flour.” Keith’s eyes widen, and I imagine, in an Alley McBeal moment, that an assortment of fine sharp chef’s knives shoots out of Keith’s eyes and mutilates Jerri. So fish gets cooked, positive reactions from everyone:
“Good!” “Yum!” “Oh my God, it is so good!” Amber shouts. Wow, she shouts now. More noise. Good progress!
Colby and Mitchell then, underestimate Keith’s role as chef. Mitchell says, “Jerri could do that, I could do that...” Whoa. Am I over reading this statement when I ask the question why did Mitchell utter Jerri? Wait, tortilla? Go figure.
Kimmi and the water, water and Kimmi. hee! Can I just say that lately she has not been that annoying? Good Kimmi. Ooh, still wearing the plaid pants? Bad Kimmi! She explains the water process: gather, boil, drink, and gather. She is very worried of getting voted off. Just wish real hard that Kucha continues to win immunity challenges. Alicia says that anybody could do Kimmi’s job. I agree. Alicia and Jeff keep calling Rodger “Kentucky Joe” and talk about KJ versus Kimmi being voted off. We see that Liz and Rodger have bonded in a special elder-child sort of way. Rodger gives Liz a heart-shaped rock. Liz cries. Liz says, “I will not spell that man’s name.”
We see Mad Dog lounging in the family pool, and singing a little ditty. Not bad at all! Tina appears, “Hey girly girl!” Tina and Mad Dog interaction. Sweet! Mad Dog says she trusts Tina the most, and she distrusts Jerri the most. Yeah, sure, you might want to check out the axe Tina’s hiding behind her back.
Okay, quick and painful, because I’m not really amused by this. Jerri and Colby cavorting. They play a little “this or that”, Jerri massages Colby, Colby and Jerri talk individually about if the need arises, they were willing to vote each other off. After Jerri utters that statement, the camera shows a spider eat an unfortunate insect that is caught in her web. Fitting.
Jeff and Alicia check out spear grass and big spiders. They contemplate on whom to vote off. Liz shouldn’t make it to the final four. So does Nick. They talk about Nick for a while. I’m convinced that he really is a lazy ass. They think Nick’s a player and he’ll screw them all, but unfortunately they need his physical contributions to the tribe. Apparently, Nick has built a kitchen, chair and patio. Sure, every camp needs a patio!
Rain.
Ogakor’s fire is threatened. In the morning, Tina’s like a wee chick soaked in the rain. Mitchell whines about his place in the tent being the wettest. Amber says that the tribe has become “lethargic”. Hold on...lethargic—morbid drowsiness, sluggish. Okay.
Immunity Challenge: Obstacle course. Jeff (hee!) explains, and utters some clichés, “simple in concept, tough in execution,” and, “You are as fast as your slowest member.” Wise man. Then the camera does a sweeping shot and focuses on the oversized tumbler (with handle) they refer to as the immunity idol. Game begins. Mad Dog falls, Colby to the rescue. Tina’s knee hits Mad Dog (Where’s the axe?) in the head while they go over the low wall of logs, and Mad Dog falls. Whole Kucha tribe in disarray at the same obstacle, Alicia falls on poor old Rodger. Ouch. The dash for the finish line. Rodger falls, can’t get up at first. Cramps? Ogakor seems to catch up, but Maralyn falls. Colby drags her, but too late. Kucha has crossed the finish line. They all collapse to the table, Alicia raises her fist in the air and maintains a mighty super hero-ish pose. Ogakor collapses to the ground. Liz lets out a (very) shrill war cry, which reminds me, whatever happened to Xena? Kimmi utters a potential line that can be used as ad material, “When it comes to teamwork and heart, Kucha’s got it.”
Losers head back to camp. Amber sobs. Tina whispers, “There is a sad, but strategic mood.” Shhh! Mitchell regrets for voting Kel off. “I we had voted for Maralyn last week, and not for Kel. I guarantee you we have immunity right now.” You should feel a lot of regret for voting Kel off! You idiots shouldn’t have believed the proponent of that friggin’ rumor! And now you regret it? I just hope that feeling remains in you for days! Okay, back to the summary. Jerri says that five of them, her, Colby, Amber, Mitchell and Tina (told you she has an axe behind hidden behind her back), and then the camera focuses on a spider again. hehe... Keith defends Maralyn, tells Colby and Tina that they should vote Mitchell off. Colby does some backstabbing and relays message to Mitchell. Big mistake, chef.
Sweeping shot of the granite waterfall and the (very fake) stone henge cum Tribal Council area. Ogakor enters the area, and it is only now that I notice that there is no gong anymore. Jeff is in his blue evening/Tribal Council” shirt. He asks some questions. Mad Dog says she trusts her tribe with all her heart. Uh-oh. Jerri says that she has bonded with Amber, Mitchell and particularly Colby. Amber responds with a huge grin as if to say “Thank God” (but there can be also other levels of interpretation). Voting. The said five vote for Mad Dog. Tina’s even drew a sad face on her ballot. Yup, there goes the axe! As Jeff uttered, “And a very sad Mad Dog.” Maralyn gives her cap (with “Mad Dog” on it) to Amber. As Jeff extinguishes her flame, Tina looks elsewhere, teary eyed. Axe goes down on Mad Dog. “You can head back to camp.”
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